Here for now.

I want to see people and I want to see life.

milkstudios:

Mid Week Inspiration.
Shel Silverstein was a cool dude.

Lately I can’t help but feel for anyone but myself. When I close my eyes there is a stop sign, waiting, in front of me. (In treatment centers for addiction, this is thought to be a good thing.) I did not put it there, (not intentionally, anyhow) but in many moments of undoubted weakness, I have consciously allowed my superiors and those around me to create it. Every decision I make feels wrong. All I can visualize is the harm a poor choice could cause others, and almost instantaneously, do what is best for them. Was I always like this? When I was six years old, a girl on the bus bit me. I told her that her pencil-shavings necklace was ugly. (Essentially, I saved her from going to art school.) So she bit me. Hard. My hand was bleeding. But I didn’t cry. I begged the bus driver not to tell her parents. Because I felt bad. I felt bad that the bus driver was screaming at her, and she was in trouble, because of something that concerned me. Is there such a thing as being too selfless? Yes. Do I feel I am too selfless? No. I’ve never saved anyone’s life, and I’m nowhere near as charitable as I could be. But it goes without saying, becoming an adult is not always about owning/renting your own space and buying your own groceries. I’m not really sure what it’s all about, to be honest. So, in listening to my own voice, I will continue to make my decisions based on what I feel is absolutely best for me. I will continue to consider others in high regard concerning life changing decisions. And someday, maybe, I will walk away without hating myself (and others) over it. Hopefully that’s enough. 

milkstudios:

Mid Week Inspiration.

Shel Silverstein was a cool dude.

Lately I can’t help but feel for anyone but myself. When I close my eyes there is a stop sign, waiting, in front of me. (In treatment centers for addiction, this is thought to be a good thing.) I did not put it there, (not intentionally, anyhow) but in many moments of undoubted weakness, I have consciously allowed my superiors and those around me to create it. Every decision I make feels wrong. All I can visualize is the harm a poor choice could cause others, and almost instantaneously, do what is best for them. Was I always like this? When I was six years old, a girl on the bus bit me. I told her that her pencil-shavings necklace was ugly. (Essentially, I saved her from going to art school.) So she bit me. Hard. My hand was bleeding. But I didn’t cry. I begged the bus driver not to tell her parents. Because I felt bad. I felt bad that the bus driver was screaming at her, and she was in trouble, because of something that concerned me. Is there such a thing as being too selfless? Yes. Do I feel I am too selfless? No. I’ve never saved anyone’s life, and I’m nowhere near as charitable as I could be. But it goes without saying, becoming an adult is not always about owning/renting your own space and buying your own groceries. I’m not really sure what it’s all about, to be honest. So, in listening to my own voice, I will continue to make my decisions based on what I feel is absolutely best for me. I will continue to consider others in high regard concerning life changing decisions. And someday, maybe, I will walk away without hating myself (and others) over it. Hopefully that’s enough. 

(via yelyahwilliams)